As I was browsing eBay looking for more Headmasters to buy, I chanced upon a very fortuitous find: the original Japanese Headmasters Laserdisc box set. Now, I have Madman's Headmasters series, and I don't even own a Laserdisc player, so why would I care about that? Well, it just so happens that the font and back of each disc sleeve is covered with Headmaster-era box art! Crisp, clear, bold, unobstructed and savory box art. Raiden! Twincast! Targetmaster Hot Rod! Even a wonderful Fortress Maximus (Japanese variant). Thirty-two new bots in all!

600dpi scans of these pieces have all been added to the Help the Archive section. If you have the talent, the time, and the desire to help out the Archive, now is your chance. (Experienced Photoshop editors only, please.)

Or, if you're graphically-challenged, consider donating a few bucks to the Archive. This collection set me back almost $300. While I am planning on re-selling it, I expect to take a loss. But, you know, anything for the Archive.

There's a reason I'm especially fond of the Terrorcons: they were among the first Transformers I bought with my own money when I got my first job at age 13 doing odds and ends at a local sporting good store. I would take my small weekly pay, head over to the local Clover department store, and agonize over which of the carded Terrorcons or Technobots I would buy (and which ones I would have to leave on the shelf). While I probably would have bought them all at once if I could, in retrospect I loved getting them individually because it gave me a week to savor each one for its own sake before a new acquisition could usurp my attention.

I was especially fond of Sinnertwin, the Terrorcon sentry, but let me tell you why. Years later, in my Queens apartment, when some friends and I were sitting around tripping, the girl I was sleeping with at the time asked if I wasn't in fact reading too much into the Transformers. In response, I went to my Cybertron bookcase, selected Sinnertwin, and responded along the following lines...

Read the rest »

What a fucking rush! -- I just this very minute won on eBay the last Dinobot I needed, Swoop, in great condition with nice stickers, and complete with all accessories, even his instructions and tech spec. And I got him for about 25% below his normal selling price! I'm so pleased.

The rush comes from sitting there in the auction's final moments, hitting refresh every few seconds to see if anyone has outbid me. My pulse was racing, blood was pounding in my ears, my palms and pits moistening with fresh cold sweat. It's very exhilarating.

In truth, though, I kind of hate it because it all stems from sniping, which I loathe. (I bid over two minutes before auction's end, a compromise between my hatred of sniping and the reality of its existence.) In a traditional live auction, once the bidding starts it continues until no one else comes forward. In my opinion, eBay auctions should be configurable with the option to extend the deadline if bids continue to be placed. For example, if there's less than 2 minutes left on an auction and a new bidder sets a new high bid, the auction should automatically extend its remaining time to 5 or 10 minutes minutes from that last, highest bid. Make sense?

Read the rest »

Years ago, I accompanied my friend Mike to the Sears optometry department where his father was buying him his first pair of contact lenses for his 16th birthday. If you've never had the experience, it should be known that the first time you receive contact lenses the optometrist places them in your eyes for you, then teaches you how to insert and remove them yourself. This is a naturally awkward experience, docilely allowing some stranger to put foreign objects in your eyes. For some it's not so bad; Mike had a less-than-ideal time.

My first experience was private, tucked away in a back room of the eyewear facility, discreet, clinical and intimate. If it was a porno, and the women was my age, it would have been perfect for an illicit encounter, a cheesy porn with myself cast as the young stud, newly reborn without the offending spectacles, like Patrick Dempsey in Can't Buy Me Love. My friend Mike was not so fortunate: a middle-aged, frumpy and impatient women presided over his rite of passage right in the middle of the shop, on display for anyone and everyone, including Mike's father and I. Nor was she reassuring, understanding or sympathetic to Mike's obvious difficulty with the stated task of staring wide-eyed, unafraid and unblinking, as an umfamiliar finger with inappropriately-long painted nails made made a beeline for his naked and defenseless eyes. Horrified and horribly amused, I could do nothing but cover my mouth and stifle a giggle at this optometric lunacy.

But what really got me, and this is the whole point of this post, is when she unhelpfully chided: "Listen, you control your eyelashes, they don't control you."

Read the rest »

I've been pissing a lot. More... much more than I should be. And sometimes, no matter how often I go, I have this odd feeling that I should go again, even if there's not much there. Like eating Chinese food and still being hungry. So I took a little trip to the urologist yesterday to sort this little matter out. After an introductory discussion, the diagnostic session began with an ultrasound, which, being a guy, is something I never expected to ever have, and it determined that, yes, I'm successfully emptying my bladder. Draining the bucket. Loosing the juice.

Next comes the prostate exam. If you'll remember, I've recently had some experience with this. Well, apparently the first doctor was being gentle, or maybe my prostate was just having a good day, because this new exam HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER. And made me feel as if I had to go pee-pee. This, apparently, is because I have some mild form of prostatitus. My irritated prostate fools me. My deceptive, self-absorbed, evil prostate is the culprit. Fuck you, prostate! Now I have to start experimenting with drugs that will either cure the condition or at least teach my prostate a little fucking respect.

But on a more positive note, I finally got Blurr, the motormouth Autobot data courier, who probably has never experienced any difficulties with his prostate at all. Yay! See, it all evens out. Let's try another...

Read the rest »