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| FROM THE GALLERIES |
FISTO™ Each Sold Separately |
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We needed a dessert to follow the crustaceans at last week's drunken crab-fest. Something with a little Truth, some Justice, and maybe a touch of The American Way. This looks like a job... for Superman Cake!
Forgive me. Life has been odd and a little intense lately.
While I must be the least excited prospective first-time home owner I've ever encountered, I am still committed to this busy and frustrating project. You meet and greet a flurry of new documents almost every day, more inspections, new concerns, daunting monthly payments. It weighs on the mind.
At my job I'm currently in the midst of what might be the most daunting and involved architectural software revision I've undertaken in the last two years. It progresses surely but slowly, a little every day, but I have an imminent and looming deadline. It weighs on the mind.
Screw the Marvel Zombies. They've gotten boring. They've lost their edge. But don't worry! There are new superhero zombies in town: the Black Lanterns! Let me explain.
See, first there was the Green Lantern Corps, of which Earth's Green Lantern was a member,
who all wield a green power ring fueled and directed by willpower.
I know, it's been three weeks. I just haven't been in a "blogging place." Let me catch you up.
Um. Well, I got a cavity filled. As in a tooth, not butt sex. I'm not into that.
Last Sunday had two events that I could not help but correlate insofar as they were great disappointments of what I had hoped to be cool events. I had been looking forward to a gig my band, I Disagree, was scheduled to play down the street at the Hawthorne Theater. It was only a Sunday, but we were finally on the marquee outside! I had printed up several dozen flyers with our logo brazenly displayed for our bassist, Skot, to put up in the area. From the beginning we agreed that flyers did little in the short term to get people to come to gigs, but that through repetition they can help build name recognition and eventually get people to come to one of our shows. Especially if they see our name on a marquee!
But first, I had learned of a comic book convention in Portland that afternoon which was supposed to also feature a lot of toy sellers. Great! Right? Right? Well....
Well, I hate to say it, but it's beginning to look like the whole Marvel Zombies craze has quietly expired with nary a groan or death rattle. The final issue of the most recent sequel miniseries, Marvel Zombies 2, hit the stands with a soft thud but was barely noticed. Even the cover of this last installment, while quality work, was comparatively underwhelming in that the classic cover to which it pays homage is familiar but hardly revered.
Understand: for the first time since the initial success of the series, there is no new Marvel Zombies material slated for upcoming release.
Before I put them up on eBay, is anyone interested in buying some of the recent IDW Transformers comics from me? I want to sell some single issues and get the trade paperbacks instead.
Have you not been reading the current line of Transformers comic books? If not, you really should. The current universe being created by Simon Furman and IDW Publishing is really riotously cool, at least in my humble opinion.
The Marvel Zombies cover gallery continues to grow, as zombie populations are wont to do. There are now 37 covers in there! The latest comes ironically from a forthcoming hardcover collection of the covers themselves. How ironic! The new cover image for this collection is very topical. Behold, Zombie Black-Alien-Symbiote-Costume Spider-Man:
With great power comes great hunger.
Since I generally finish my assigned web development tasks much faster than the generous amount of time allotted, I am ending up with too much free time. Time that could probably be spent more wisely. Instead, I start wondering, Who would win in a fight between Godzilla, the Hulk, and the Transformers?
The first consideration that springs to mind is that the Hulk, by definition, is The Strongest One There Is™. Just so we're clear, I'm not talking about the "able to bend steel bars and barrel through brick walls" Hulk ...
Friday was a great day. I got my first real paycheck since moving to Portland, and I got my first Monster Pretender in the mail, Wildfly. His soft Pretender shell has that familiar plastic smell of so many forgotten infant toys, I immediately wanted to put him in my mouth. (It was suggested that I wash him first.) And I was able to share the news of this acquisition over drinks with some new people that I found through the Oregon thread of the TFW2005 message boards. Got drunk and had a great time!
Saturday was hangover day. Initially, this involved nothing more strenuous than lying in bed and reading the rest of the Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane series, a comic I highly recommend to anyone. After the queasiness subsided, we drove around, trading in unwanted CDs and DVDs for new (used) ones, buying new comic books, eating at Burgerville (best fast food burger joint ever), getting our real license plates for our car, and watching the Zeffirelli Hamlet starring Mel Gibson.
Yes, I've been reading a lot of comic books lately. Aside from Discover magazine and Programming PHP, one might almost say I have been exclusively reading comic books. As opposed to non-comic books. No, I don't think that's something to brag about. I just haven't been in a book-reading place. I need, like, a commute. Except I'll probably be driving to my next place of employment, but at the very least I need the regimented period of stimulation and motion.
While you might think that not having a job would lend itself tremendously to tearing through various fictional and non-fictional written works of significance — like Thus Spake Zarathustra or the recent Einstein biography — the lethargy of unemployment actually turns me off to the still-water torpidity of reading.
Lately I have been really enjoying the exploits of the Punisher. Maybe you heard of him. There was a movie or two.
If you don't know, the Punisher (aka Frank Castle) is a Marvel Comics character. Except, instead of having any superpowers or abilities, he shoots criminals. A lot of criminals. Every criminal he can get in his sights. On rare occasions he will kill a criminal with a knife or grenade or rocket launcher, but more often than not, it's bullets from an automatic weapon. He's a Viet Nam vet (Special Forces Unit) whose family was unintentionally gunned down by the mob, so now he goes around wearing a big white skull on his black shirt and kills every criminal he can.
Like the slow, inexorable walk of the living dead, I have quietly continued to update the Marvel Zombies gallery. "I thought that was over," you say. Nope. There's the Marvel Zombies vs. The Army of Darkness crossover prequel. There's the upcoming Black Panther / Fantastic Four crossovers. A limited series sequel is in the near-future. In short, there's no dearth of undying super heroes coming your way. You know, if you care.
Zombie Hitler loses his head.
One weekend during my generally unenchanting sophomore year of college (wallowing in our nation's capital) I had the pleasure of visiting my friend Charlie in New York City. He and I spent the evening with a group of our high school buddies drunkenly stumbling around the East Village. It was a marvel, this electric, metropolitan candyland that poured shots for 19- and 20-year-olds without blinking and casually ignored our loud, staggering entourage as it sailed down the avenues like ducks caught in a strong current.
Falling out of a now-defunct rock club on St. Mark's Place, I turned to my right to see a comic book store: St. Mark's Comics, appropriately. It was open. At midnight. I knew this was the City That Never Sleeps, but I didn't know that included comic book stores! Surely this town was a jewel to be prized, a great Mecca of opportunity and glut. Why, I had to buy a comic book now. Fortunately -- boom! look at that! -- an open comic book store, outside my bar, into which I will race, wide-eyed, with my buddy Todd in tow, who delights in witnessing my glee.
I don't think I'm spoiling anything for anybody when I tell you. The national media has been all over it for the last week since the issue in question hit the stands. Captain America is dead. And I have to admit, it's really bothering me. Not because the issue itself wasn't a very good story (in my humble opinion); nor I am opposed to changes in the traditional status quo of comicdom; and yes, yes, I know, in comic books few characters ever stay dead forever. It's just...
What kind of America would allow the death of Captain America...?
Captain America!
The Sentinel of Liberty!
The Star-Spangled Avenger!
The greatest Decepticons are motivated by a lust for power and a desire to inflict cruel punishment on others. Thus it should come as no surprise that they often scrap with each other (for advancement in rank). The most noteworthy, pivotal and super-bitchin' (cool) of these throw-downs are the ones wherein the mantle of leadership hangs in the balance. That's right, some cocky Decepticon comes along to challenge the head honcho, and the only way to decide such a thing is with an old-fashioned giant robot fight.
This leads to some of my favorite covers from the old 80's comic book series, your favorite and mine, The Transformers. Observe the one to your right. Ah, my favorite Transformer, Shockwave, cooly repelling Megatron's attempt to wrest back the command that was stripped of him while he was offline. This is issue #6, and was the first instance in the comic of the Decepticon leadership changing hands. This trend was something unique to the comic book continuity — the cartoon never really played with the status quo — and Shockwave was usually involved. Maybe that's one of the reasons I enjoy the character so much (besides his dispassionately logical demeanor): he's the bad guy's bad guy.
All right, let's assume for the moment that you did somehow gain superhuman powers and abilities. Let's say you could fly and shoot fire out of your hands, or maybe you can move things around with your mind, or (dare I say it?) suppose you were nigh-invulnerable and could pull off wearing dark sunglasses anywhere, anytime, around the clock. Let's say I concede that.
Your first reaction to that is that you want to fight crime? Come on!
I sold all of my Marvel Zombies comic book issues. I got $60 for them on eBay. I used the money to buy the hardcover that just came out! At $20, this is a steal. In fact, it is the only hardcover comic I own. Even now I am typing with only one hand so that my other is free to lovingly stroke the cover. Really.
The hardcover reprints not only every Arthur Suydam painted cover from the main series but also all his variant covers for the three follow-up issues of Ultimate Fantastic Four. It even reprints in thumbnail all the covers that Suydam ghoulishly reinterpretated. Top it off with a completely falsehood-laden introduction by writer Robert Kirkman, you get a slim but solid volume of superhero gore that you will one day want to pass on to your children, assuming you are one of those people that breeds. Go buy it.
Since the beginning of last week, all I do is read Lone Wolf And Cub. It's all I do. As of this writing, I am on volume 19 of 28. Each wallet-sized volume is approximately 300 pages of illustrated historical fiction. Each volume is so firmly anchored in Edo period Japan, with such rich characters, and such social drama, and in such an epic manner, I feel enlightened and edified for having read it.
Reading Lone Wolf and Cub makes me a better person.
When I was a kid in the late 80's, I was predominantly a Marvel Comics fan. Sure, I had a few issues of DC Comics, especially when Norm Breyfogle was drawing Batman, but for the most part I was caught up in the Hulk, the Avengers, the Uncanny X-Men, Spider-Man and 50 other fucking books published by Marvel during the comics boom of that era. I just preferred their strong emphasis on characters and continuity to DC's colorful cartoon-like simplicity. I loved being immersed in Marvel's universe. (And, man, I loved the little asterisks and footnotes telling you that such and such happened back in Defenders #67 or whatever).
Then, I stopped reading comics. In fact, I sold them all. College. New York. Music. Sex. Drugs.
Finally, finally, I have my computer back. It is a supreme delight. No longer does my desk in the War Room jut awkwardly out, limp wires snaking every which way, the monitor faceless, the speakers mute. No! I found a new computer service, Macrolevel, and I really recommend them. Bolstered up to a gig of RAM, Polyhex (as I call my machine) is back from the dead like Superman, like Optimus Prime, like Bobby Ewing. Let us hope my technological depression remains a thing of the past.
So Dollface and I have been taking a class together at the City College of New York: "Writing a Successful Business Plan Step by Step." When I say we want to open a comic book store in the next couple years, I mean it. One session focused heavily on credit, as in how to fix or improve your credit rating to increase your chances of obtaining business financing. While it turns out my credit is pretty good, it was decided that I should get a second credit card. With surprising ease, I acquired a new American Express "Blue" card. Get this: it's transparent, with a visible microchip and circuits running through it. That's so fucking cool. It definitely makes me want to pay for everything with it. I must be cautious, wary. Temptation is a powerful thing.
I haven't been mentioning it since my initial post, but I've been quietly updating my Marvel Zombies cover gallery with all the new and variant covers that have been subsequently released. If you're not a comics fan, then it may surprise you to learn that this series has been a smash hit. Even though it's only a 5-issue limited series, there are now 10 covers in the gallery because they keep reprinting them to meet demand. The series is funny, dark and very quirky. And they eat lots of people.
Anyway, it turns out at least some people appreciate my archiving efforts. "Marvel Zombies" was the second most popular search term bringing people to this site for the month of February (and fourth so far for the month of March). That's way fucked-up, but way cool, too. Other interesting search terms that bring people here include "godzilla posters" and "poseidon" (because of this gallery and this image respectively). Hey, maybe the following will increase visitors even more: porn porn porn porn, amateur porn, midget porn, robot porn, clown porn, animal porn, superhero porn, zombie porn, and crab porn. Hm. That actually kind of hurt.
Typically, Wednesday is the day of the week when new comic books arrive in shops. As such, if you want to see who the most passionate fans are, this is the day to pop by your local comics dealer. Wait, did I say 'passionate'? I think I meant 'fucking frightening'.
Now, don't get me wrong, I really enjoy comics. There's some great books out there. In fact, Dollface and I are looking to open up our own comics shop in the next few years. But some of the people you will spy on Wednesdays at Midtown Comics worry me.
I can write about anything I feel like. It's my blog. And right now, I feel like telling you which comics I enjoyed the most over the last year. This is in no particular order. I can't really pick a favorite, because different books serve different moods and cravings. However, I consistently enjoyed the following...
Reality on the Rocks with a Twist
That's how I would best describe the classiest books on my monthly pull list. First among them is Y: The Last Man, which takes place in a world where a mysterious plague has killed all the men on the planet except poor Yorick Brown and his monkey (Ampersand), alone in an all-female world. Brian K. Vaughan thoroughly explores the premise on a social, governmental and personal level. Each issue is consistently brilliant, much too good to wait for the trades.
I am thoroughly enjoying Marvel Zombies. All your favorite classic Marvel heroes... except they're all zombies. I ask you: what is there not to like about that? It's being cleverly written by Robert Kirkman, famous for the most successful zombie comic out there, The Walking Dead. Part comedy, part ghoulish, all fun!
The covers of the 5-issue series are all zombie parodies of classic Marvel covers. I love them so much, I set up a new gallery for them all. Check them out!
Well, I already told you about my love of "opposite" villains like Bizarro and the Reverse-Flash. I'm not the only one, you know. The image on the left is the cover from Superman #221, which parodies the classic Superman/Flash races with a Bizarro/Reverse-Flash race. (Actually, it was pretty much a rip-off, because only the last panel of the issue set up the race, which actually happened in Action Comics #831, but I digress.) Of course, the distorted villains ran in a crooked path, and the Reverse-Flash only won by letting Bizarro lose or something like that (it was a rather crappy issue, horribly illustrated by John Byrne, but again I digress).
Well, wouldn't you know there's a couple more opposite villains I'd love to tell you about. You might even have heard of one or both of them.
Anyone who loves heroes and villains knows that it is their relative parity that keeps the story interesting. Dirty Harry wouldn't be cool if he was chasing down perpetrators of insurance fraud. You probably wouldn't care to see Columbo solve the case of who's been stealing cigarettes from the 7-11. And if the Spider-Man movie consisted of nothing but webbing-up muggers, we would have felt cheated. It is the strength of the opposite number that empowers each hero and villain in our eyes.
Along these lines, many comic book heroes have an Archenemy that seems to eloquently counter-balance the strengths and abilities of the hero. Superman, the most powerful hero, contends with Lex Luthor, a man without powers but with vast intellect and wealth that makes him formidable. A perfect foil! The unpredictable lunacy of the Joker counterbalances Batman's finely-honed intellect and control. The Hulk's opposite number is the Leader, a man who was gamma-irradiated like Banner but gained super-intelligence instead of super-strength.
